I’ve let go of the regret I carried since I was 17 and the mistakes I’ve made along the way, forgiven myself for what I did and didn’t do, removed self-imposed lines that set limits on my life and found peace within. I’m working on increasing my confidence and self-worth, and I’m transforming this body into one that is healthy and strong.
Where will I go from here? Honestly, I thought I had the next ten years figured out and a good idea of what the rest of my life would contain, but…that was before the transformation this spring. I began making alternative plans, but they kept changing as new possibilities popped into my head, and one thing conflicted with the other. How can I do A if I want to do B? I’ve always believed I was suppose to have my future planned.
My parents preached it, and so did the school guidance office: secondary school for X-amount of years, work for X-amount of years, retire.
Fuck that. It’s the school, work, die equation. This won’t work. No one plans my life but me.
I was confused by conflicting thoughts until I read this:
I want to give myself the freedom not to have to be projecting my whole life ahead. ~ Robert Downey Jr.
Freedom to not plan. Sounds right for someone who writes free style and never uses an outline, a girl who jumps into the truck and goes for water at the spring five minutes away, disappears for six hours and returns muddy with ice cream in hand, a pocket of rocks and stories to tell.
Planning has its limitations, and while I plan to release two more books in 2019, I will not plan my next ten years of living. I’m open to all possibilities.
Not everyone can do that; they’re deep in debt. However, I grew up poor and learned the value of money early. As messed up as I’ve been sometimes, I’ve lived within my means, so I have little debt, and this time next year, I’ll have none. This gives me the freedom to go and do whatever I want. The money I make will be mine.
The one thing I plan to keep doing in the coming years is to
Set goals so big everyone thinks you’re crazy because average won’t get you to success. ~ Robert Downey Jr.
Speaking of goals: long before I read that quote, I had set my goals for 2019. They were ambitious and part of me thought I was blowing smoke. I muzzled that voice of doubt in April and trudged on. I’m almost at the halfway mark, and (giggling) I’m right on track to complete those outrageous goals – the ones important for my writing – by December.
I have one plan for 2020: Set goals so fucking awesome I think I’m crazy. I’ve been average all my life; it’s time to shed that skin.
Safety is 3rd. Adventure and knowledge come before it. This philosophy may ruin your life, but it has an equal chance of making your life awesome. Nothing is gained without risk. ~ Diane Tibert
Let’s think about those who have found success. Few find it by being lucky and falling into its lap. The majority find it through hard work, taking chances, long hours, sacrifice, extending themselves further than they believed possible, taking advantage of opportunities, giving everything they have and doing what many others fail to do: stand out in the crowd by doing what others won’t or can’t. The crazy route some take is one many decide not to travel.
Giving everything you’ve got to get to where you want to go might sound extreme, but if you want to achieve success on a grand scale, it’s what you must do. Grand is in the eye of the beholder; my grand success includes me making a comfortable living through my writing. If I aim high and don’t make it, perhaps I’ll make it far enough that it still gives me enough success to support my habits: writing, hiking, fishing, travelling, boating, biking, music.
How far will I go? I’m unsure. As my responsibilities for others slowly decrease and I gain more control of my life, I’ll push harder and go further.
My life isn’t mine to give; it’s mine to make. ~ Diane Tibert
If I feed my body properly, keep it in shape and avoid substances that harm it (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes) I will decrease my chances of injury, illness and disease into my wonder years. A healthy body allows me to accept opportunities that may be physically challenging for others and give me the opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities to the fullest.
Remember: No ship makes a journey tied to the dock.
Cast away the lines and set sail for the wide open. Embrace the challenge and be the best you can be.
I want to go out like a road kill: running free beneath the glare of bright lights and not knowing what the fuck hit me. ~ Diane Tibert
This is the fourth and final post on life and how my perspective of it has drastically changed the past three months. The transition started July 2018, but it has taken me until this spring to fully realise the path I travelled up until last July has changed. From the outside, I look the same (except I’ve lost over 35 pounds). The major changes have taken place inside. It’s like someone else’s brain fell into my head, and it’s looking around thinking, let’s renovate this life. There will be exceptions to how I think, but the exceptions don’t change the rule.
I’m writing these for two reasons: 1) to remind me of my journey and where I really want to go (out there, beyond where I’ve been); 2) to share my experience with the hope others will be inspired to change their perspective, so they can live a better life. My journey has been helped by those who put into words a better way to live. I hope I can do the same in some small way.